Drumming
by Kaz010
Summary: What if they just kept running into each other? Would surprise meetings change their story? The Jess and Rory relationship like the show, but with twists.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **I adore Florence and The Machine, if you haven't already I suggest you buy/download the album 'Lungs'. This song just reminded me of the feeling you get when you have a crush on someone, and having my own huge crush on Jess (or anybody that Milo plays, including Rick Rape in Gamer!) I thought it would suit Rory, 'cause lets face it, she had a crush on him the second she saw him! Any and all reviews are much appreciated :)

**DRUMMMING**

_There's a drumming noise inside my head_

_That starts when you're around_

_I swear that you could hear it_

_It makes such an almighty sound_

_Louder than sirens_

_Louder than bells_

_Sweeter than heaven_

_And hotter than hell_

_-The Drumming Song by Florence and The Machine-_

Rory knew about crushes, sure she did. She'd watched enough films and angst filled teen dramas to know what they were all about and how they turned a normal average person into a lunatic. She had just never expected to be that normal average person turned lunatic.

The minute she had turned round in her chair in her room to greet Luke's nephew with a "Hey" she had been struck with a case of the butterflies. _He was cute!_ When he came into her room and started looking at her books, she couldn't help but smile. _Cute and a bookworm? Wouldn't that be something? _

"Do you read?" She had asked him.

"Not much" He had answered, and she had deflated a little.

When the next day he had handed her a book, her own copy of Howl that he had somehow managed to take from her room with his notes written in the margins, she had known that she could come to like this boy. As a friend of course as she had a boyfriend, and no matter how cute and bookwormy this boy was she loved Dean.

This was the line she told herself again and again as she got to know Jess.

That was line she told herself every morning while she had breakfast at Luke's and watched him pour coffee and clear tables. When he jumped into her sleigh and knew which snowman (_snowwoman actually….Kind of looks like Bjork) _was hers. When he paid $90 for a tiny little basket of inedible food and her company, then took her out for pizza.

The line was harder to sell to herself when she tried to talk both her mother and Jess into giving the other a chance. Even harder when she heard herself fumble her words (_"I don't mean care care like "care." I mean if you like me at all…not like like") _

It became damn near impossible for her to believe it after he came over with the care package. (_"You really want me to go?" "I really want to avoid a fight with Dean")_

And the study date with the impromptu trip to get ice cream and she told him to turn right.

She knew everything had changed and turned on its axis when she had skipped school and missed her mothers graduation to go to New York to see Jess. Maybe somewhere in her mind she had thought that it was a way to get closure and prove to herself that this whole Jess thing, this whole crush on Jess thing had been only that. A crush. But seeing him, wandering the streets of New York with him she knew that it was more. He done something to her that Dean just didn't and never had. But it scared her to feel that way, she didn't like not being in control of her feelings, so it was a sense of relief that she said goodbye to him as her bus drove home towards Stars Hollow.

Everything came crashing down on her when she spotted him standing underneath the tree. In that split second she remembered every little smirk he had gave her. Every book that he'd leant her, his handwriting squeezed into the margins, putting down into words his thoughts and beliefs, a secret part of him that he wanted to share with her. Every brief touch that they had shared as he gave her change. The way she always made a little extra effort with her hair or clothes if she knew she would be seeing him.

With all this playing on a loop on in her head she walked toward him.

_As I move my feet toward your body_

_I can hear this beat_

_It fills my head up_

_And gets louder and louder_


	2. Chapter 2

**Beautiful Disaster**

_He drowns in his dreams, an exquisite extreme I know_

_He's as damned as he seems_

_And more Heaven than a heart should hold_

_And if I try to save him_

_My whole world would cave in_

_Oh, and I don't know, I don't know what he's after_

_But he's so beautiful, he's such a beautiful disaster_

_And if I could hold on through the tears and the laughter_

_Would it be beautiful?_

_Or just a beautiful disaster?_

_-Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson-_

She knew from the very start, the minute he flashed her his trademark smirk that he was going to be the end of her. The end of her rationality and sensibility., the end of her perfect, planned to the last detail life.

_(…there's just something about not quite knowing what the other person's gonna do at all times that's just really exciting.)_

Their friendship, (though if she was being true to herself, they were never really friends. They were something else. Something indefinable.) had been easy to fall into. They shared a love for books, something that she never really expected anyone else to understand. She came to realise that maybe books had been a kind of escapism for him, though he would never come out and tell her so. He was funny and smart and could hold his own in a war of wits with her mother, no easy feat. He could be infuriatingly persistent, obnoxious and downright rude sometimes. His tongue was sharp, and she'd felt the pain when it cut more than once.

He was good to her, and she saw through his apathetic guise. They played the verbal back and forth to perfection. She wanted him like crazy, and he wanted her. He would never come outright and say it, but his actions spoke louder than any words ever could. But she knew that he'd break her heart. Maybe not for years, but it would happen and she wasn't sure she could handle that sort of pain.

But then he moved back. Back to Stars Hollow, a place that he'd never made any secret of despising. And made it clear (_"Just wanted to.")_ that the reason was her.

She'd kissed him then. A rushed, clumsy kiss that she had no control over. It had been an out-of-body experience, something that perfect practical Rory, Dean's girlfriend Rory, would never do. That kiss was the end of the old Rory.

They started dating, and had their second first kiss (_"Well, whatever happens between us, at least we know that part works.") _He had showered her with affection and kisses that made her breathless.

_He's magic and myth, as strong as what I believe_

_A tragedy with more damage than a soul should see_

_But do I try to change him?_

_It's so hard not to blame him_

_Hold me tight, baby, hold me tight_

But he never opened up to her properly. He never shared his dreams for the future or talked about his past. He lived purely in the present, he lived purely in her. He held her a little too close with his body, but nowhere near close enough in his soul. She wanted him, all of him. The good, the bad, the ugly. She wanted him to spill his guts out to her, to tell her everything. She pushed him, but never at the right time, never for the right reason.

When he left, she felt numb. No gut-wrenching pain or uncontrollable tears. No anger or hate towards him or the world. Just numbness. She went to Yale numb. On the outside she seemed okay, happy even.

Then he showed up again, and the numbness left her body with an explosion of feelings that left her unable to see straight.

"_I love you."_

_He's soft to the touch_

_But frayed at the ends he breaks_

_He's never enough and still he's more than I can take_


	3. Chapter 3

**So this is a little different from the first couple chapters and this is where the story really begins, hope you enjoy. Please R&R, I appreciate all reviews!**

_

* * *

_

_Scar tissue that I wish you saw_

_ Sarcastic mister know it all _

_Close your eyes and I'll kiss you 'cause _

_With the birds I'll share_

_ With the birds I'll share _

_This lonely view _

_With the birds I'll share _

_This lonely view _

The Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Scar Tissue

"_I love you."_

Had he really said that?

She had never known his voice to crack like that and the earnest look in his eyes was new to her too. That was part of the reason that she wasn't completely sure that she hadn't dreamt the whole thing. For the last few weeks she had tried to forget about, forget him. But it was seemingly impossible.

If he loved her, why wasn't he here? Why weren't his arms around her? Why did she feel so cold all the time? Even here, in Florida on Spring Break.

Listening to Paris, Louise and Madeline talk, trying to join in and just feel normal was making her exhausted. Who knew that missing someone could be so much work?

So she tried to flirt with the first cute boy she seen, ignoring her inner monologue telling her that no one would ever come close to Jess in the looks department. God, he had been so beautiful that night, the night of those three words. How could she ever move on when that image was burned into her retinas?

"We came here to do spring break and we're going to do spring break." Paris said determinedly.

Rory thought about the dancing and the hanging at the pool, their options were exhausted, "Well, what else do you suggest?"

The words were hardly out before Paris' lips were on hers. Squealing, Rory pulled away, "What are you doing? Are you crazy?"

"Well Madeline and Louise do it." Paris huffed.

"Madeline and Louise wear their underwear outside of their clothes. I don't want to do what Madeline and Louise do."

"I just thought-" Paris tried to explain

"Just stop thinking, okay? Your thinking is very dangerous."

As she headed for the exit, she felt Paris come after her. "Stay away from me, you're not my type." She warned.

She stood outside the club taking a couple deep breaths trying to comprehend what the hell just happened. She shook her head, and turned around to head back in when she heard a familiar voice at the side of her.

"So you bat for the other side now?"

Her heart started beating wildly in her chest and she blinked several times to make sure she wasn't hallucinating.

"Mind you, I think you could do better than Paris." He said.

She gasped, "Jess."


	4. Chapter 4

_Do you know what's worth fighting for?_

_When it's not worth dying for?_

_Does it take your breath away_

_And you feel yourself suffocating._

_Green Day - 21 Guns_

"What are you doing here?" She asked, not quite believing it was actually him.

"I'm working. I didn't take you for the spring break type."

"Yeah, well, I guess that shows how little you know me." She told him, her voice hard.

She looked at him but not in the eye, she couldn't let herself do it. One look in those beautiful brown eyes and she'd be a goner. His hair was longer than she remembered, but he still had it gelled in his devil-may-care style. He wore a black t-shirt, with the name of the club sewn into the breast. He was unshaven, and it made him look older and tired, and yet he still stole her breath away. He tilted his head to the side, catching her eye and she immediately looked down at the ground, scuffing the toes of her shoes on the sidewalk.

"So, I guess you hate me now?" He asked, once again trying to catch her eye.

She shook her head sadly, "I could never _hate _you. Believe me I've tried but I just can't."

"Well maybe we could go somewhere and talk?" He asked.

Now she did look up, "Talk?" She snorted. "Jess Mariano wants to _talk_?"

"I have a mouth, and vocal chords that work. I think I can do it."

"You never talk Jess! You make these sounds that come out as words, and they sound good and nice, and I understand them but you never actually talk!"

"I think what you just did was perfectly describe talking, I think that might be the exact description the Oxford Dictionary uses." He raised an eyebrow at her.

"You know what I mean."

"Rory, please?"

She didn't answer him, just walked towards the beach knowing that he would follow her.

_Does the pain weigh out the pride?_

_And you look for a place to hide_

_And someone breaks your heart inside_

_You're in ruins_

She sat down on the sand, staring out into the ocean. The water was dark as midnight, and it lapped against the shore with a sound that matched the beating of her heart. She felt him sit down beside her, close enough to touch, she could feel the heat radiating off him.

"I feel like I'm dreaming. It just feels so unreal to run into you here of all places." She whispered.

"Me too. When I saw you in the club I…..well I couldn't believe it. Then I saw Paris and I knew I wasn't dreaming 'cause she'd never be in my dreams." He nudged her with his shoulder.

"Oh Jess, I have so much I want to say to you but I have no idea how to say it." She felt the tears well up in her eyes, and blinked rapidly to keep them from falling.

"Look, I know that I hurt you. I didn't want to, I didn't mean to…"

"You didn't even say goodbye."

He kicked at the sand and sighed, "I didn't want to. I never want to say goodbye to you Rory."

She turned to look at him then, "Was it me?"

He frowned at her, "Was what you?"

"The reason you left? Because of what happened at the party?"

"You think I'm that shallow?" He looked up at the sky, trying to draw the strength to say what he needed to. "I had to go, I had to try figure out what the hell I'm going to do with my life. You were going to Yale, I was a high school drop out with no future and no prospects."

"I don't care about that."

"I know. But I did. You deserve more than I could ever give you."

"Oh please Jess! Don't try and make this about your sense of nobility, you're not that righteous."

"Fine!" He snapped, "Maybe it wasn't all about you. Maybe I just didn't want to be that person anymore Rory. The screw-up, town hoodlum whatever. Maybe I didn't want to feel so fucking awful about myself. A new start. A new Jess."

"How's that working out for you?"

"Tremendous." He sighed again, "I don't want to fight Rory."

"Me neither Jess." She took his hand in hers, "It's just so hard."

_One, 21 guns_

_Lay down your arms, give up the fight_

_One, 21 guns_

_Throw up your arms, into the sky_

_You and I_


	5. Chapter 5

_I've met someone that makes me feel seasick_

_Oh what a skill to have_

_Oh what a skill to have_

_So may skills that make her distinctive_

_But they're not mine to have_

_No they're not mine_

_If this is a rom-com_

_Kill the director_

_If this is a rom-com_

_Kill the director_

_The Wombats - Kill The Director_

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* * *

_

Sitting there on the sand, listening to the sounds of the waves crashing softly on the shore. Feeling the heat radiating from him as he sat next to her. Close enough to touch. Close enough for her to just lay her head on his shoulder and pretend everything was okay. She just wanted to drift away and pretend she was that 17 year old girl again, just a girl sitting on the beach with the guy of her dreams.

She heard him sigh softly, and then felt his fingers wrap around hers.

"I wanted to kiss you." Jess whispered.

She turned her head slightly to look at him, "When?"

"On the bus, the day I left?" He lifted his free hand and wiped it over his mouth. A nervous gesture she'd seen him do before, "That thing at the party, it shouldn't have been our last kiss."

"No, it shouldn't have." She agreed. "But if this is your way of hinting for a kiss…."

He laughed then, and she shivered as she remembered how much she liked that sound. "If it was, would it work?"

"No." She told him firmly, though in reality all she wanted was for him to lean in and kiss her.

It shouldn't be right for one person to have so much power over another. He shouldn't be able to appear from nowhere and turn her whole world upside down, make her question everything she once was and everything she was now.

"Damn." He squeezed her hand lightly.

She let out a breath, let go of his hand and stood up. "This is all just too weird. Don't you find it weird? I mean, last time we saw each other you would flee at the sight of me and now you're sitting here holding my hand and _flirting?"_

He stood up too, "You're forgetting the most important thing that happened last time."

"No I'm not. I can't forget it Jess, it's seared onto my brain. I think about it all the time! You can't just tell someone you love them then run away."

"I drove."

"So not the point."

"Look, I didn't mean to. I had this whole speech planned, what I was going to say to you. It was a pretty decent speech, Whitehouse worthy, but when I opened my mouth that's what came out. And you looked at me like I'd just killed your dog, and I was scared okay? I was scared." Again the hand wiped his mouth, "I meant it though. I do love you."

She nodded, "I love you too."

"In the movies this is the part we'd rip each others clothes off and roll around in the sand." He smirked.

"Yeah, but it isn't the movies is it. We never had that kind of movie love. We had something….else."

"Yeah. I guess we did."

"I should go, Paris will be worried."

"I have to get back to work anyway."

They stood there looking at each other in the moonlight. Saying goodbye with their eyes not their words.

Then they were kissing.

She hadn't planned it, and in her head she knew it would only lead to heartache, but sometimes your body works on instincts that you aren't even aware of.


	6. Chapter 6

_You're so hypnotizing_

_Could you be the devil? Could you be an angel?_

_Your touch magnetizing_

_Feels like I am floating, leaves my body glowing._

-Katy Perry E.T-

Pure unadulterated lust runs through her veins. Passion burns her skin, scorching her to her very core. How had she ever forgotten how unbelievably amazing it felt to have his lips on hers? His tongue seeks out hers and she happily lets them meet. She can feel every inch of her pressing into him and yet somehow it's not enough. His lips leave hers and travel the path along her cheek to her jaw and to that spot just under her ear that drives her crazy. He nips with his teeth and she gasps in surprised pleasure.

She feels the rumble of her name against her throat as he works his way down towards her collarbone. She tilts her head back to give him better access, and he accepts the invitation happily. Soft tongue, the tickle of his breath and the wonderful pressure of lips. She sighs in contentment.

He pulls away from, his eyes closed and a soft smile playing on his features. He's so beautiful. He's so _real_ and so _here._ Panic seizes at her heart and she backs away from him, stupidly stumbling on the sand.

"What?" Jess asks, his voice husky.

"I can't do this." She says, her voice small.

"Rory…"

"I can't." She tells him, more firmly.

He nods once, then opens his mouth to say something else but before the words are even formed she runs away. Across the sand, and away from him. She knows he isn't following her. She knows it's her time to run now.

_Kiss me, Ki-ki-kiss me_

_Infect me with your love and fill me with your poison_

* * *

Rory has been back from Spring break for over a week now, and the memory of that kiss lingers like the smell of summer even as autumn has arrived. She swears that she can still feel the heat of his body and that her lips are still numb. She hasn't told a sole about it. Not Paris, not Lane and not her mother. Especially not her mother. She had told herself that she'd talk to her mom about it once she had it figured out in her own mind but she's come to the realisation that it's never going to happen.

She wishes she could convince herself that it hadn't happened, that it had been a awesomely realistic dream but the fact remains that it happened. She saw Jess in Florida. She kissed Jess in Florida. And now she was back to the place she had been all those months ago when he had left her.

The thing that is bugging her most though is the fact that _she_ ran away. She experienced an unworldly kiss and she ran from it. And the more she thought about it the more she realised it wasn't the first time.

That first kiss where she had pounced on him at Sookie's wedding (_Don't say a word. Oh, welcome home!)_

Then after their first kiss as a couple, that amazing moment at the gas pumps where she had melted into his arms and finally realised what a kiss could really be. She had walked away, leaving him standing there while she went to see Dean.

If she had known how quickly these kisses would no longer be would she have acted differently?

How was she ever going to get him off her brain and out of her heart if every time she closes her eyes she pictures that look of bliss on his face after he'd stopped kissing her? And how could she go on blaming him for ruining their relationship and breaking her heart if she was the one who always walking away from him?


	7. Chapter 7

_I've been down and I'm wondering why_

_These little black clouds keep walking around with me_

_With me_

_It wastes time and I'd rather be high_

_Think I'll walk me outside and buy a rainbow smile_

_And be free_

_They're all free_

_Stereophonics -Maybe Tomorrow_

Rory managed to get through the following months easier than she had hoped. Sure, there was a hurt in her heart that she couldn't escape from but somehow she could smile, laugh and banter like her old self. Only at night would his face come unbidden into her thoughts. She would close her eyes and she's be confronted by his smirk. Only at night, lying in her dorm room while Paris dreamed of becoming the fist woman president would she allow herself to remember him and the times they had shared. She had foolishly allowed herself to believe.

It was the end of term, and Rory was thrilled that she had managed to make her way through it unscathed. But she had one more final to go before she could fully relax. Everyone around her was feeling utterly joyous apparently. She flipped her phone open and called her moms cellphone.

"There is much joy around me I'm going to hurl." She told her mom when she answered.

"Kids are in party mode huh?" Lorelai asked.

"The kids are clicking their heels like there's no tomorrow. And there is no tomorrow for those who do not have a final on Saturday morning such as me. I'm pathetic. I should stand between two of them and have them high-five my head from opposite sides and put me out of my misery."

"Just one more final to go and you'll be free. You know, I do have one thing to run by you. Do you have the brain power?" Lorelai asked.

"I think I can swing it."

"It involves the "J" word."

"Oh, not more about Jesus. I'm sick of him and Mel Gibson." Rory moaned.

"Jess." Lorelai told her.

Rory felt her heart seize in her chest, and the hand holding the phone became clammy. How could just the mere mention of his name cause her body to react so suddenly and so violently?

"Oh. What about him?" She managed to ask, and was dumbfounded to hear her voice come out flat and normal.

"He's in town for that wedding and I never know where we stand on the Jessometer. I've been seeing him. I was just wondering if you want me to tell you when I do?" Her mother asked.

_He's in Stars Hollow right now? He's 22.8miles away from her at this very second. He could be in Luke's, or at the bridge or in the bookstore….._

"Sure." She answered.

"Really?"

"Why not?" _Yes!_

"Okay. It's just always so weird this "J" word topic of ours."

"You don't have to refer to him as "the J word" call him Jess," She managed to say his name, she thought it might have got stuck in her throat, "And feel free to tell me when you see him."

"Okay."

"I mean, if you see him eight times in one day, you don't need to call me eight different times to tell me. That's clearly overdose. Maybe, like, you could limit the reports to significant sightings. If you see him from 100 yards away, disappearing round a corner, I really don't need to know that. If he comes up to you and spits in your face, report that."

"Permission to spit back?" Lorelai joked.

"You know what I'm saying."

"I know what you're saying. Hey! You know what I should do? Run up, tell him I love him, then run away really fast - a taste of his own medicine."

"Don't do that! Don't do anything out of the ordinary."

"Honey I was joking."

They spoke for a couple more minutes, something about a horse in the dining room but Rory had already switched to autopilot. Her mind was on one thing and one thing only.

She was halfway between being glad that she was stuck at Yale for the weekend due to the final, and being completely pissed off that she wasn't in Stars Hollow like she was every other weekend. She wanted to see him, was itching to see him but knew that it would only cause her more misery and heartache, and who needed or wanted that, right?

Friday night dinner and her final came and went and she had pushed the whole Jess thing to the back of her head. He'd be leaving as soon as the wedding was over, she didn't need to talk to him to know that much. She could go back to Stars Hollow on Sunday and go on with her Jess-less life. It would be for the best for everyone.

But somehow she had been roped into going on this disastrous date with Graham by her Grandma and she felt her thoughts drifting to Jess. She wondered what he was doing right now. Did he look around town and see the places and the memories that she did? The time they made out for what seemed like at hours under the tree at the bridge? Did he sleep in his bed in Luke's apartment and remember the times they had fooled around, the times he'd touched her in places that no-one had touched before?

She looked over at Graham as he joked around with his friends at the bar and was overcome with the fear that this is what her life could become. Dates with guys who held no interest for her, boyfriends who didn't match her intellectually, men who didn't push her boundaries. Jess might be a messed up, sarcastic, irresponsible, selfish bastard at times, and he may have not only broken her heart but her spirit and taken a piece of who she used to be when he left but he made her feel good. He made her feel _alive. _

But even with this knowledge she didn't know what to do. The thought of being with him literally scared her to pieces, but the idea of not being with him hurt deep down to her bones.

_So maybe tomorrow_

_I'll find my way home_

_Maybe tomorrow_

_I'll find my way home_


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Wow, this is a long chapter for me! Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favourited or alerted this story. It gives me the confidence and drive to continue. I love this episode of GG, even though it breaks my heart everytime. I hope you like the way I've went with it.**

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* * *

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_I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited_

_But I couldn't stay away,_

_I couldn't fight it_

_I hoped you'd see my face and be reminded_

_That for me it isn't over yet_

**_Adele - Someone Like you_**

Somehow Rory had managed to convince Graham to go party with his friends and leave her to her own devices. That mainly involved going back to Yale to finish packing up her stuff and sleeping. All these weird thoughts about Jess and her future with or without him had exhausted her. However she hadn't planned on how to get home now that her ride was gone. With no cash and a warning from the waitress not to walk down the street to the ATM she was left with no choice but to phone her mother.

The phone rang and rang until Rory finally hung-up frustrated. She angrily punched the number to Luke's into her phone and pressed dial, cursing her mom for not having her cell on her. Just as Rory was about to hang up she heard a breath and a soft "Hello?"

Her heart leaped into her throat at the sound of his voice on the other end of the line and she was struck speechless.

"Hello?" He asked again, an annoyed edge to his voice now.

Rory opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out, she tried again but was rewarded with the sound of the phone being placed back in its cradle. Rory hung up her own phone and let out a shaky breath. She stared at the phone in her hand and thought about recalling and asking him to pick her up. The idea gave way to romantic notions but in reality she knew it would end in a fight and misery. Instead she flipped her cell open and scrawled through her contacts.

She stopped at Dean.

Nice, good, reliable Dean.

"Hi, it's me. I'm kind of stuck and I - well I didn't know who else to call." She said as he answered.

Dean showed up less than 45minutes later, and she smiled with gratefulness to see him.

They ate a nice meal, which was even nicer due to the fact that she didn't have to pay for it thanks to Graham and his open tab.

They shared a nice drive home, talking like old friends.

Then they got to her dorm room and everything changed. The friendly atmosphere was changed, charged with some kind of tension between them that she wasn't sure how to deal with.

"Dean?" She asked uncertainly "How is it that you can be out like this, here, with me, or anyone for that matter? Where does Lindsay think you are?"

"She thinks I'm out." He answered, avoiding eye contact.

"Out where?"

"Doesn't matter." He shrugged.

"What's going on with you?" She asked, but before he could answer the door to the building opened and in stepped Jess.

Rory's mouth dropped open at the sight of him, and watched in shock as he stepped towards them. "I need to talk to you." He told her.

"Jess…."Dean started

Jess put his hand up to stop him, and looking at Rory repeated his first statement, "I need to talk to you."

"What's going on?" Dean demanded.

"What are you doing here?" Rory asked, her brain finally kicking in.

"Rory, please." Jess begged with his eyes.

"Rory?" Dean asked, a sharp edge in his voice.

"Go home." Rory said turning to Dean.

"No." Dean responded flatly.

"Yes, you should go." She watched as Dean walked down the hall, obviously pissed off, then turned towards Jess "Why won't you leave me alone? You won't go away!"

"Rory."

"What do you want?" She demanded, crossing her arms across her body to stop herself from launching into his arms.

"I don't know." Jess shook his head, "I just wanted to see you, talk to you. I just…"

"What?"

"Come with me."

"What?" She asked unbelievably

"Come with me." He repeated.

"Where?"

"I don't know. Away!" He gestured down the hall..

"Are you crazy?"

"Probably. Do it. Come with me. Don't think about it."

"I can't do that." She opened her dorm room and walked in.

Jess followed her, "You don't think you can do it but you can. You can do whatever you want."

"It's not what I want."

"It is. I know you." He told her.

"You don't know me!" She turned on him wildly.

"Look, we'll go to New York. We'll work, we'll live together, we'll be together. It's what I want. It's what you want too."

"No!" She shouted.

"I want to be with you," he told her his voice getting louder, "but not here. Not this place, not Stars Hollow. We have to start new."

"There's nothing to start!"

"You're packed. You're stuff is all in boxes. It's perfect!" His voice was powered with desperation, and it cracked with emotion. "You're ready. And I'm ready. I'm ready for this. You can count on me now. I know you couldn't count on me before, but you can now. You can!"

"No!" Rory was in a daze, she wasn't sure this was really happening.

"Look, you know we're supposed to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you two years ago, and you know it too. I _know you do."_

"No, no, no, no, no!"

"Don't say no just to make me stop talking or to make me go away. Only say "no" if you really don't want to be with me."

"No!"

Rory watched as Jess' heart broke in front of her. Her own eyes filled with tears as she watched him back out of the room. She sat down on one of the boxes, her legs felt like they would have gave way beneath her if she hadn't. She put her head in her hands but before she could even begin to think about what had just happened she heard a commotion coming from out side.

Lifting her head and listening to the sounds she knew what she was going to find before she even got there. She ran down the hallway and out into the courtyard to find Jess on the ground, being held up by the collar of his jacket as Dean raised a fist to punch.

"Stop it!" She yelled, her voice ringing out across the empty campus. "Just stop it!"

"Rory?" Dean turned towards her, and that's all the advantage Jess needed to get out of the hold and prepare to throw his own shot at Dean.

"Jess! Don't." Rory warned. She watched as Jess took a deep calming breath and lowered his fist. His lip was bleeding and he wiped at it with the back of his hand.

"What the hell is going on?" She demanded.

"I was just leaving but you're white knight here was waiting for me. He likes to jump me from behind." Jess muttered glaring at Dean.

"Dean, just go home okay?" Rory said softly.

"But Rory…" Dean started.

"Go home to your wife. This isn't your battle. It never was. I shouldn't have called you tonight….. Please just go."

"Are you seriously going to take this jerk back?" Dean demanded.

"Just go!" Rory yelled frustrated.

She watched as Dean made his way back towards his car, then turned towards Jess. "Lets get some ice on that lip." She motioned back towards her dorm.

"I don't think-"

"Jess, don't argue with me okay? I've just had a emotional wreck of a day and I feel on the verge of a breakdown so…."

He nodded, his eyes cast down to the ground and followed her into the dorm.

"Uh, so I don't have ice so you'll have to make do with a wet flannel." She handed it to Jess as he sat on one of her packed boxes.

"Thanks." He placed it on his lip and hissed as it stung. "That guy has a problem."

"No, he was just trying to protect me." Rory said softly.

"It's not his job to protect you anymore, he has a wife." Jess told her, his eyes narrow.

"I know."

"Do you?" Jess asked, "'Cause it seemed like you were maybe going to invite him into your room for some make-out coffee."

"Ugh, I wasn't. And even if I was, what has it got to do with you?"

"Absolutely nothing. You made that perfectly clear." He let out a long sigh, "I don't want you to get hurt."

"Bit late to start caring about my feelings don't you think?"

Jess stood up angrily, "Are you kidding me? You're feelings? Rory, you've been trampling on my heart since the day we met so don't start getting all 'Miss Hard-Done By' 'cause I'm not buying it."

"What?"

"You flirted with me while you were going out with Mr Protector, you kissed me then left me hanging for a whole summer only to go back to Prince Charming. Then when we finally do get together, you don't trust me, you compare me to Dean at every turn and when I do make a mistake you hold it against me forever. You kissed me on that beach in Florida, making me think that maybe things could be alright and then you run. Yet, I still came here and…" He shook his head.

"Jess…"

"Look, it's in the past, and you've made it clear there's no future, so I should go."

Rory walked up to him, took the wet flannel from his hand and placed it back on his lip. "I don't want you to."

_Nothing compares, no worries or cares_

_Regrets and mistakes they're memories made_

_Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste._

_Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead._


	9. Chapter 9

**Wow, it's been a while since I've written anything. I'm not sure about this chapter...it's not what I was going for. Apparently I can't do angsty angst! Please r&r, it makes me do a happy dance :)**

* * *

_Deep in my soul, I've been so lonely_

_All of my hopes been fading away_

_I've longed for love like everyone else does_

_-We've Got Tonight by Kenny Rodgers-_

The silence between them was deafening, the tension palpable. She had to say something, _do something. _

"Would you like something to drink?" She asked.

He nodded in the affirmative and she was left with the dilemma that she actually had nothing to give him. She looked around the room and spied the jug of "lemonade" that she had been drinking from when her Grandmother had set her up with Graham. She walked over and poured some into a paper cup before handing it to Jess.

He took a gulp and immediately started spluttering. "That's 99% hooch."

"Yeah, it's a concoction of all the left over alcohol we had lying around. It takes some getting used to."

"It's also warm."

"Oh…yeah it's been lying out for a while."

He laughed, "All those Friday night dinners with your Grandparents are definitely paying off. You're the Hostess with the most-ess."

"I panicked." She admitted. "There's tap water?"

"I'm okay. So….." He looked around the room.

"Yeah. So."

"How was Spring-break?" He asked , turning towards her, with that intolerable smirk on his face. The smirk she had missed with a passion.

"Oh it was good. I got drunk, saw Louise and Madeline and had my first lesbian experience."

"You're first huh? Does that mean there's been more?"

"Shut up." She laughed, giving him a slap on the arm.

She gasped slightly when he grabbed her wrist in his hand. "Anything else happen?"

She nodded, her heart quickening in her chest at his closeness. "I happened to run into the boy that broke my heart."

"Did he tell you he was sorry for hurting you?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Did he tell you he wishes he could go back and do it all over? Change everything."

"Jess…."

"Did you kiss him?"

She nodded.

"Did it mean anything to you?"

She nodded again.

"What if that boy was here now, and he leaned into kiss you? Would you let him?"

Her heart thudded, she was sure he could hear it. Her eyes were glued to his, those chocolate brown with their flashes of green were boring into her soul. She couldn't answer. All she had to do was tip her head forward and their lips would be touching. He didn't move an inch, waiting for her to make the decision.

The fact was though, that she actually had no control of the decision. Her head knew that this was not going to end well. (When did the things with Jess _ever _end well_?) _But her heart, her foolishly reckless heart; that despite all the beatings it had took from this particular boy just would not listen. Her lips touched his, and her body came alive.

She wrapped her free arm around his neck, pulling her body into his. The wrist that he had took hold of was squashed in between them but it was him that pulled back and winced.

"What?" She pulled away from, totally perplexed.

"My lip." He touched his finger to it, and she noticed the spot of blood on his fingertips.

"Oh. I forgot."

"Me too." He laughed, "I'm sure it won't matter."

He reached for her again but she avoided him. She crossed her arms across her body, and bit sighed. "Maybe it's a sign that we shouldn't do this."

He raised an eyebrow at her, "A sign? Since when were you a believer in signs?"

"I dunno. I'm not sure that I am, but there seems to be all these things….people, circumstances that are keeping us apart and maybe there's a reason for that? Maybe the universe just doesn't want us to be together. Did you ever think of that?" She rambled.

"No, I didn't think of that." He muttered. "'Cause it's insane! The only thing keeping us apart is us!"

"Well who's fault is that?" She snapped at him.

"I know, Rory. Believe me, I'm well aware of my part in the disintegration of this relationship. But I'm here, and I'm trying…."

"Asking me to run away with you is not trying! It's desperation, and escaping and just feckless. That's not me, that's not who I am."

"What's wrong with wanting to escape for a while?"

"You can't live your life like that Jess! You keep running and eventually you're going to drop down from exhaustion, alone and with nothing. And you could do anything Jess, you're so smart-"

"Please, not another pep talk! I'm living proof that you're not very good at them." He cut her off, his tone sharp and biting.

"Obviously…or maybe you're just a born failure." Angrily she matched his tone.

She saw the hurt flash in his eyes before he turned away from her, he paced to the window running a hand through his hair. "Jeez, why do we always end up fighting? I didn't come here to fight with you."

She exhaled, her anger escaping with her breath. "I don't know."

He turned towards her then, and she could feel the sadness radiating from him. "I'm going to make something of myself Rory. I am. I want to. I just….."

She walked over to him and took his face in her hands. "I know that you're going to be wonderful. You're the smartest, most amazing person I've ever met. Hey! Don't roll your eyes. You haven't had anyone tell you that before so you don't believe it but it's true. You could do anything you want. Maybe you just need more time to figure out what it is that you want."

"I want you." He whispered.

"I want you too." She touched her forehead to his.

"I guess now just really isn't the best time for either of us." He said, his voice low and tender.

"But," She kissed him softly on the lips. "We have tonight."


	10. Chapter 10

_Where you are, seems to be_

_As far as an enternity_

_Outstreched arms, open hearts_

_And if it never ends then when do we start_

_Maroon 5 - Sweetest Goodbye_

Somehow they had ended up in the bedroom. The room was stripped bare, only her blanket and pillows were the sign that anyone had ever used the room. She led him over to the bed, her mouth never leaving his. He lay her down onto the bed and her mind was filled with flashbacks of the last time they had been in a similar situation.

(_You did not think it was going to happen like this, did you?)_

_(I don't know what I think anymore.)_

He had been so sad, so lost and she hadn't took the time to figure out why. She'd been mad with him and had let that anger grow until there was no way back. And then he was gone.

But he was here now. Real, flesh and blood. Lips and hands. She gave herself over to him, like she had wanted to back then. His lips were needy, his tongue hot. She sighed and arched up into him. Her hands moved to the hem of his shirt and pulled it up and over his head. He removed her clothes, his hands trembling slightly.

She watched as he looked at her, she felt shy and vulnerable under his gaze but she didn't try to cover herself. She wanted this. She was ready for this. He moved up her body and placed a tender kiss on her lips.

"I don't have any condoms. I didn't plan on this." Of course he could talk about it without any hint of embarrassment.

"Oh. Um, I do." She lightly pushed him off her so she could stand up. She could feel his eyes on her as she walked through to the other room in only her underwear. If she was going to do this, she was going to do it without being all shy and _Rory_ about it. It felt daring, and she felt….sexy.

She rummaged in her backpack until she found the box. She came back to the room, Jess was sitting up leaning against the headboard. She tossed the box to him and he caught it in one hand. "Rory Gilmore owning prophylactics, whatever next?"

"My mum packed them for me in her special 'College Survival Kit'"

"These haven't been opened." he noted, pretending to read the box.

"No."

"So….you haven't? It'll be your first time?"

"Or I could have just used other ones…."

He raised an eyebrow at her in question.

"You'll be my first." She sat down next to him, and nudged him over with her hip.

"I don't want this to be something you'll regret."

"You've got me down to my underwear and now you're questioning whether it's the right thing to do?"

"Rory, I'm serious. This isn't going to change anything. I won't suddenly decide to go back to Stars Hollow and go to college."

"Jess, I know. I'm not trying to use sex as…I don't know, a weapon or whatever. I just want to be with you. I want you to be my first. I've always wanted that. I love you, and even if we're not going to be together after this, it's the right thing for me right now."

She hooked her leg over his and sat on his lap, and smiled as his hands settled on her hips. She leaned forward and kissed the corner of his mouth. She gasped as he turned his head and captured her mouth with his own.

And then there was only feeling. Pleasure and pain mixed together to make a delicious abyss in her brain, where all her fears and her rambling thoughts disappeared and it was just them. Rory and Jess.

* * *

They lay silent in the aftermath, the only sound of hearts slowing down. sweat cooling on their skin as they lay intertwined. Rory buried her face into his chest to hide her inane grin, she felt deliriously happy. He stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head.

"How are you?" He asked softly.

She nodded against his chest, "Fine."

"Jeez, I really was expecting an 'amazing' or a 'fucking fantastic' after that performance."

She looked up suddenly, "Oh it was! Jess, god it was-" She broke off when she noticed the smirk creeping across his features. "You're teasing me. Jerk."

"I'm sorry. Really, are you okay? Was it okay?" He took her face in his hands and brought his lips to hers soft and sweet.

"It wasn't what I was expecting." She told him shyly.

"How?"

"I was expecting all this pain, and to just kind of suffer but it was…..it was…..words fail me."

He nodded, seemingly content with that answer. "What about you? Was it….Was I…?" She asked, chewing on her lip and avoiding eye contact.

"I thought about this moment all the time. I used to sit for hours and daydream about having sex with you-"

"Jess, eww!"

"Hey, I was 17 and you'd get me so worked up that it was _all_ I could think about! But, all those dreams and dirty thoughts well, they don't even compare. It was….it was perfect."

"Really?" She asked, beaming.

"Really."

She snuggled back down, her head on his chest her arm across his stomach. His arms tightened around her and she didn't think she could be happier. "I hate that it's over."

"I could probably go again." He joked.

"You know what I mean! I'm going to miss you."

"I know. Me too."

"Will you at least stay until the morning? Don't leave while I'm asleep, I don't want to wake up and think it was all a dream."

"I'll stay until morning." He promised.

And with those words and the warmth of his body and the steady beat of his heart in her ear she fell asleep, a smile playing on her face.


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry for taking soooo long to update this story. Mega busy just now! **

**Urgh, I've found this chapter so hard to write. I thought I knew where I was going with this story but apparently my muse had other ideas. I hope it's not too rubbish and that you like it. Please Review if you are reading this story, it means alot and encourages quicker&more frequent updates.**

* * *

Let's get this started girl

We're moving up, we're moving up

It's been a lot to change,

But you will always get what you want

-Two Door Cinema Club : Something Good Can Work-

And then it was time for goodbye. Although she had been expecting gut wrenching pain, it had actually been quite nice in a bittersweet, melancholy kind of way. _Parting is such sweet sorrow_ as Shakespeare once wrote. They'd shared a kiss, and a promise to never regret their night together no matter what happened in the future.

Of course there had been a huge argument with her mother to deal with. Lorelai had knew straight away something was different, that something had changed. And for only a handful of times in her life, Rory didn't want to talk to her mother about it. She knew that Lorelai would never understand and she didn't want her night with Jess to be sullied by her mom's reaction (or over-reaction as the case was surely to be.) But her mom overheard her and Dean arguing about Jess in the Dragonfly while the preparations were getting done for the big test run.

"_So I couldn't help but hear the name 'Jess' being banded about a lot over there." Lorelai said, stopping Rory in her tracks as she stormed away from Dean._

"_Oh. Yeah." Rory nodded._

"_Want to explain why?"_

"_Oh um…well…."_

"_Well what?"_

"_You know how Grandma set me up on that date? Well it didn't go very well, and I had no way to get home, and you were at that wedding with Luke so I called Dean. He picked me up and dropped me off at Yale."_

"_And Rocky Junior comes into this how?"_

"_He showed up at the dorm too. Dean wasn't happy, they got in a fight-again. Dean and I were just arguing about how we have no right to interfere in the others relationships."_

"_Relationship? You and Jess no longer have a relationsh-" Lorelai broke off, raising one hand to her mouth she shook her head. "No, Rory. No."_

" _I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it first. I know I promised I would, but I swear, I didn't know this was going to happen. I didn't know he was going to show up, and it just happened. I'm okay, and we were, you know, safe. So all those Trojan jokes you made all those years apparently stuck. And I'm lucky too, because Jess….Well aren't you happy that it happened with someone who really loves me?"_

"_But he's gone?"_

"_You don't understand the situation."_

"_Is he still gone?"_

"_Yes, but-"_

"_Then I understand the situation."_

"_He loves me Mom. He didn't force me, he made sure it was what I wanted."_

"_Oh Rory."_

"_And it was! It was what I wanted."_

"_I don't believe this. How could you, of all people, the girl who thinks everything through, the list maker, jump into bed with a guy that was just going to leave you as soon as he was finished? How could you be so dumb to think that he would change just because you let him sleep with you?"_

"_I wasn't like that, he asked me to go with him."_

"_Oh yeah, what a hero. Ask the girl who you left a year ago to just drop everything, her family, her education, her future, to bum about the country with no-"_

"_Mom, stop!"_

"_No Rory, you don't understand what you've done."_

"_Yes I do! I'm not that silly little 17year old girl anymore! I love Jess, and although you don't think so, he loves me. And we made love, because that's what people in love do. And yeah, we're not together. It's not the right time for us. And maybe we'll never be together ever again but I'm so glad that I had my first time with him and I don't and I won't regret it."_

"_It's not how your first time was supposed to be."_

"_Can't you be happy for me? Accept that it's what I wanted?"_

"_I'm not sure I can accept that, no."_

So when her Grandmother asked her to go on a summer trip around Europe (like the one with her mother only with 5star hotels rather than stinky hostels.) she jumped at the chance. She and her mother needed breathing space to deal with this change in their lives.

And then came her second year at Yale. And then along came Logan Huntzberger.

He was funny and charming. Definitely cute, although he never made her heart flutter when she looked at him the way Jess always had. They flirted a lot, then they kissed at her Grandparents second wedding. They began to date, and she found herself falling in love with him. Sometimes she'd be reading a book, or she'd catch a bit of Almost Famous on the TV and she'd find herself thinking of Jess. There'd be a dull ache in her heart when this happened but mostly she never really thought of him at all.

Then came the night where she lost all her senses and done one of the stupidest thing she'd ever done.

She stole a yacht.

She got thrown in jail.

She got community service.

She dropped out of Yale.

She stopped talking to her mother.

She moved in with her Grandparents.

Basically her life spiralled so far out of her reach she no longer knew who she was or what she wanted. All she knew was that it wasn't the way it was supposed to be.

She had drove into her Grandparents driveway after dropping Logan and his drunk-ass friends off, and just as she stepped out of the car door she saw him. Jess.

Her world spun on it's axis, it took all her control to stay where she was when all she wanted to do was run into his arms and transport back into the past when they'd been together and happy. "Jess." She managed to whisper.

He smiled at her, "Hey."


	12. Chapter 12

_Destiny is dead _

_In the hands of bad luck_

_Before it might have made some sense_

_But now it's all fucked up._

_-Green Day: Stuart and The Avenue-_

* * *

They stood there, staring at each other. Him with that little upward tilt of his lips that was neither a smile or a smirk, but a look of amusement all the same. She with what she would imagine afterwards to be a look of dumbfounded disbelief.

"I….sorry. That wasn't a sentence." She finally managed to get out, cringing inwardly at her inability to speak.

"I got the gist." He stepped towards her, making her heart race inside her chest.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"I got a job. Professional driveway stalker." And there was the smirk.

"Pays good?" She joked with him.

"Yeah, but the hours suck."

"Jess…?" She was still in a state of shock.

"I'm in town on a little bit of business. All nice and aboveboard." He told her, understanding her need to know what was going on.

"How'd you know where to find me?"

"Luke. I shook it out of him. He wasn't sure if it was okay." He told her, a note of apology in his voice.

"It's okay. You look good." _God, did he look good. _"The years don't seem to have hardened you."

"Yeah, you look good too. I know this is kind of weird, but there's actually something I wanted to tell you. Show you, actually." Noticing that Rory was looking at the house with a worried look, he continued, "I can come another time."

No! "No, it's just, uh, we're kind of exposed here. My… her window's, like, right there."

"Whose?"

"Uh, my Grandmothers. You want to come in?"

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Come on. Just be careful, she's a very light sleeper."

They walked into the house, Jess stepping lightly behind her. Close behind her. So close she could feel smell him. That unmistakable scent of his aftershave, cigarettes and something that was just Jess. She swallowed hard, trying to keep her mind straight. They got to her room, and suddenly she was struck with a sense of embarrassment.

"So here we are." She said, motioning to the room.

"Casa Rory." His voice sending delightful shivers up her spine.

Taking a pillow from her bed she placed it at the foot of the door. "So our voices don't carry." She said, noticing his questioning look.

"Very prudent." He smiled softly.

"This is not really my taste." She bit her lip, awkwardness striking her hard.

"Yeah, not unless you've aged about 90 years." He looked around.

"I haven't." She mumbled.

"Is that for Halloween?" He asked pointing to the dress that was hanging on her door, the dress her Grandmother had picked out for her.

"No, no. This is just for a function I have to go to." Mortified, she picked the dress of the hook.

"Function?" He raised an eyebrow.

"It's just a job. The DAR. The Daughters of the American Revolution. It's not a career or anything."

"I hope not."

"No. See, don't get the wrong idea. I'm just here temporarily. My mom and I…" She rushed to explain.

"Luke alluded to something."

"It's a long story. I was crashing in the pool house , and that was just temporary, but the pool house became storage, so then I had to move in to the main house. All temporary."

"Isn't school in session?" Jess asked, head tilted.

"Mm-hmm."

"Why aren't you living on campus?"

"Because I'm not going."

"You graduate already, Doogie?" He tapped her on the knee jovially.

"No. I'm just taking a little time off."

"Time off." He repeated, his eyebrows lowered.

"So where are you living Jess? I want to know about you Mystery Man." She hurried to change the subject.

"I'm in Philly." He told her as they sat down, her on the bed and him on an ottoman facing her.

"Really?" She asked, smiling.

"Don't laugh."

"No, I'm not. Philadelphia has gotten cool."

"And New York's gotten expensive," He told her. "Anyway, it's a pretty cool scene in Philly now. Lots of younger people there….pretty big art scene."

"I know. I read that in the New York times. They had a picture of a bunch of young people standing on the roof, kind of eclectic and all. It looked fun. I mean, it clearly wasn't one of those picture that wasn't candid. It was looking a little stiff, but they looked happy." She rambled.

"Are you nervous?" Jess asked concern flashing in his eyes.

She nodded, "A little. It's been a long time."

"I'm a little nervous too." He admitted.

"Good. I'm not alone." And she actually felt a little more relaxed.

"So, I didn't come here to chat. I wanted to show you something."

"Right. You said that." Rory watched as he fumbled about in his bag.

"Yeah, and I didn't think you'd believe it if I didn't show it to you in person." He took a book out and handed it to her.

"Well, colour me curious. A book." She read the cover, "'The Subsect'….written by Jess Mariano."

"It's no misprint." He chuckled.

"You wrote a book?" She looked from the book to him, and then back at the book.

"A short novel."

"You wrote a book?" She asked again, in shock.

"And through a fluke, I got it to these guys that have a small press, and they read it. I don't know if they were high or something, but they decided to publish it."

"You wrote a book." A feeling of pride rushed through her.

"There's no money in it. They only printed like 500 of them. Believe me, I'm not quitting my day job."

"But you wrote it." She told him "You wrote a book." She stood up, unable to sit any longer with the excitement and shock pulsing around her brain.

"Yeah, I know. It's hard to believe." He smiled as he watched her pace.

"You sat down and wrote a novel." She pressed the book to her chest, wishing it was him. She wanted to hug him, let him know how amazing this was but she didn't know how to. He sat there, so real and so close and yet the space between them felt like miles.

"Author-distributed too. That's what I'm doing here. I'm going around begging independent bookstores to put it in stock. Got in a few." He was proud of what he was doing, she realised. And it filled her with joy to see him this way.

"Cool! Where?" She asked.

"Around." Ah, there was the mono-syllabic guy she knew.

"I want to see it in a store."

"I can give you the addresses."

"You know what I'm going to do when I see it in a store?" She was getting excited.

"What?" He asked, smiling up at her.

"You know that section towards the front, staff recommendations? I'm gonna grab a copy of your book and put it in that section, and then I'm going to write my own little recommendation on a card and attach it so people see it and buy it." .

"Read it first. That way you can discourage people to buy it."

"No way! I know it's good." She sat back down on the bed, "Jess, you've got such a great brain. I knew that if you could just sit down and stop shaking it around, you could do something like this. I knew it. I knew it."

"I know you did." He looked at her, his eyes soft. "I work at that press now. Five smelly guys in a cramped room on Locust Street putting out about three books a month. But it's fun."

"What about a sequel? Are you writing a sequel?"

"You should read it before you get too jazzed about it, okay?" He laughed.

"Shhh!" She looks at the door, concentrating on the sound she thought she heard. "Sorry. I thought I heard footsteps. I think we're okay." She sighed.

"It's kind of late. I should go."

"It is late." Rory agreed. They both stood up and moved towards the door. Rory felt her heart drop to her stomach at the thought of another goodbye with Jess. Why was he always walking into her life, and then leaving just as suddenly?

"So I just basically wanted to show you that. And uh, tell you….tell you I couldn't have done it without you." He looks bashful, and she feels a lump form in her throat at his unexpected words.

"Thanks." She whispers, still clutching the book.

"I'm going to be around for a couple of days. Can we talk again? Preferably above a whisper?" He suggested, looking at her with hope in his eyes.

"Yeah, I'd like that." She told him, smiling widely. "How about tomorrow night?"

"Eight okay?"

"Yep." She nodded

"Cool. I'll sneak out on my own." He motioned down the hall.

"No! Let me walk you, if Grandma wakes up and discovers you on your own she'll think you're a burglar or something. If we get caught together she'll just think we were….." She stopped herself and blushed at the image that flashed through her mind.

Jess smirked, but to her relief didn't say anything. They silently made their way down the stairs and to the front door. "So tomorrow?" She double checked.

"Definitely." He stepped outside, and walked halfway across the driveway before turning back. "Bye Rory."

"Bye Jess." She watched him walk until he was out of sight before closing the door. A huge grin spread across her features as she raced as quietly as she could up to her room. She flung herself onto her bed, childlike with excitement, flipped his book open, and started to read.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note : Okay firstly thanks to all my lovely readers and reviewers. You're awesome! Secondly, I've noticed that I kind of jump about between tenses, I hope it isn't too distracting, I can't seem to write anyother way. Thirdly the lyrics at the top are from Again Again by Lady Gaga. This song is just sooooo Jess and Rory it's unreal. **

**Please R&R...don't make me beg!**

* * *

_You've got a lot of lot of nerve_

_Coming here, when I'm still with him_

_And I can't have you_

_It isn't fair_

_-Lady Gaga : Again Again-_

* * *

Rory woke up the next morning, still in her clothes and with Jess' novel at her side. She picked it up and turned it over in her hands. Jess had somehow managed to get his life together. From the mess of a boy he had been that night in her dorm room to a published author. A man with a job that he loved and was good at, friends and a life. What did she have? She looked around at what was now her room and sighed.

She spent the day doing her usual stuff, which mostly consisted of doing nothing with a little bit of community service thrown in before she went back to nothing. The hours went by so slowly, and the nearer it got to 8 o'clock the more excited nerves started to take over. By the time it was 8 she couldn't wait inside anymore. She opened the door and stepped outside to the sight of Jess throwing stones at the window.

"What are you doing?" She asked him.

"I didn't know if it was okay to ring or not." He whispered.

"She's not here." She told him, smiling at his cuteness.

"She's not?"

"She's playing bridge tonight."

"Oh, good." He smiled at her, "I parked on the street so she wouldn't see."

"You're very good at covert ops."

"Years of practice. So, where do you wanna go?"

"I don't know. I don't know the area very well."

"You live here." Jess was incredulous.

"I know but Hartford's still a mystery. Even when I went to Chilton, I got right on the bus and headed home. So I don't even have any old high school hangouts to revisit. And these days I've just been eating here." She explained.

"Well, I just prefer not going somewhere that has food in the title." Jess shrugged.

"Meaning….?"

"Olive, chilli, soup. No gardens. No plantations."

"Got it. Something funkier." Rory nodded.

"Steer me to the college district. I'll find us something funky."

"Sound good."

Just then a car drives up the driveway and Rory feels her stomach twist in a knot. Jess looks at her questioningly as Logan steps out of the car, with a smile spread across his features.

"Logan." Rory smiled back at him, but it feels forced even to herself.

"Am I interrupting something?" Logan asked as he walked towards them, his eyes narrowing at the man who is currently standing beside his girlfriend.

"No. Hey. When did you get back?" Rory asked, still not sure how to react to this unwelcome intrusion. She would never admit it out loud but, yes, actually he _was_ interrupting something.

"Couple hours ago."

"Oh, I…I thought you were getting back tomorrow."

"I thought I'd surprise you Ace." There's an accusing tone in his voice, and she bristles at it.

"Well, I'm glad you did 'cause you get to meet my old friend Jess. This is Logan, my boyfriend. Logan this is Jess. He's in from out of town." There's an uncomfortable silence as the two men stare each other down, "Wow. That sounds so grown up. We're at the age where we say things like 'in from out of town' and 'old friend' 'cause when you're young all your friends are new and you have to get old to have 'old friends'" She rambles on, with an uneasy chuckle.

"How you doing?" Logan asked, holding his hand out to Jess.

"Okay." Jess replied as they shake hands.

"We were just going to grab a bite." Rory explained.

"Great." Logan nods, "Well, how about if we all go together? That okay?"

"Okay by me." Jess said.

"All right, good." Rory nods, looking between the pair of them. She motioned to Logan ,"We were actually at a loss where to go so you saved us."

"Call me Superman. Why don't you follow us?" Logan motioned to Jess, as he wraps an arm around Rory's shoulders and led her to his car. She tries to shrug it off, but he holds tight. She watches Jess as he watches them and feels a deep sadness in her chest at the sight of him standing alone in the driveway scuffing his feet in the gravel, so very much like the boy she once knew.

The drive to is uncomfortable, tension is rolling off Logan in waves and she can't even think of what to say. It's not as if she was actually doing anything wrong, so she feels her own shoulders get tight with anger at him for taking it in the wrong way. For showing up and ruining her date with Jess. Not that it was a _date_, she reminds herself. She looks over her shoulder to make sure Jess is still following them, and she sees him lift a hand to her in recognition. She waves back,

"We're here." Logan says as he pulls into the same parking area for the bar that they were just at the night before. He gets out, and slams the door forcefully behind him. She steps out of her side, and watches as Jess pulls up. He no longer has the junk-pile of a car he had when they were together, but it still looks crap sitting next to Logan's Porsche.

He steps out of the car and looks at the bar, 'Rich Man's Shoe' his eyebrows raised and then looks at her. "Funky."

"It is that my friend," Logan opens the door to the bar, "Shall we?"

They find a table and give their drinks order to the waitress. Rory finds herself rambling on about nothing and anything, trying to make up for the incivility between the two men.

"I live pretty close. I'd have had you over to check it out, but it's a bit of a mess." Logan said.

"And you don't serve food, so we would have been starving at your place." Rory jokes.

"I've got appetisers, half full bags of chips. Just check the expiration date before you dive in."

"I'm good with this place." Jess tells him.

Logan leans in a bit, "Little pointer. Don't come on folk night."

"Yeah, I'm not a fan of folk music." Jess says.

"Something we have in common."

"Great." Jess replied, sarcasm sneaking through in his tone. He looks at Rory, who shifts uncomfortably under his gaze.

"Where's a waitress?" Logan asked, "Yo, yo right here!" He motions to the waitress, "Uh, another McKellen's neat, and, Jess, another brew?"

"I'm still working on this one." Jess lifts his glass, which is mostly full.

"Another one just in case." Logan tells the waitress.

"Well, we should probably order." Rory speaks, "It's a big menu so if you need guidance…"

"I'm not hungry." Jess tells her.

"You're not hungry?" Logan asks him.

"Nope."

"I thought the whole point was you two were going to get something to eat?"

"And talk." Rory tells him.

"Well yes, It was a given that you were going to talk while you eat. You know, chef de cuisine will gladly make anything you want if nothing there appeals."

"The burgers are good here." Rory tells Jess, trying to ignore Logan.

"Maybe a burger." The corner of Jess' mouth lifts slightly, not quite a smile.

Logan nods, "Get one of the fancy ones too, and it's on me, so don't let price stop you."

"I'll pay for my own." Jess tells him, his jaw twitching with a scathing reply but he picks up his menu and looks through it.

"Good man." Logan picks up his menu too, "So how long have you two known each other?"

"A while." Jess answers, irritation firmly in his voice now.

"You date?"

"Yes. We used to date." Rory answers, cutting Jess off from making what she knew would a pissy comment.

"Ah! No hemming. No hawing. Good course of action. So were you two high school sweethearts? Rock around the clock, two straws in the milkshake?"

"Logan." Rory warns.

"Hey did we cheers?" Logan asks "I don't think we cheered. That's bad luck. Let's cheers."

"I think we did already. Twice." Jess mutters.

"Well let's do it again." They all clink their glasses together. "So, what do you do, Jess?"

"Oh, this and that." Jess tells him clearly not even wanting to be there anymore.

"Describe the 'this', describe the 'that'."

"He writes." Rory jumps in.

"You write? Impressive. What do you write?" Logan asks, clearly unimpressed.

"Nothing important."

"He wrote a book." Rory answers for him.

"Oh, you penned the great American novel, Jess?" Dripping sarcasm.

"Wasn't quite that ambitious."

"So what are we talking here? Short novel? Kafka length or longer? Dos Passos, Tolstoy? Or longer? Robert Musil? Proust? I'm not throwing you with these names am I?"

"You seem very obsessed with length." Jess shot back.

"I'm just trying to get a picture in my head, is all"

"It's a short novel." Rory speaks up.

"Any good?" Logan asks her, and she can feel Jess' eyes on her too.

"I haven't read it yet."

"Yet? Well, least you'll have one reader. That's something."

"Yeah." Jess agrees as he takes a sip of his beer, his eyes remain locked on Rory's. Silently berating her for this whole evening.

"You know. I should write down all my random thoughts and stuff that happens to me and conversations I have and just add a bunch of 'he said' 'she said'-s and get it published. You got a copy on you?" Logan continues.

"No."

"You should send me a copy."

"Sure. And where do I send it? The Blonde Dick at Yale?" Jess finally snapped.

"Jess." Rory sighs, as he picks up his jacket, and heads towards the door.

"Whoa, whoa. We're just trying to keep it friendly here buddy." Logan steps in front of him.

"Get out of my way." Jess warns as he by-passes him and heads out the door.

Rory jumps out her seat and goes after him, "Forget him, Rory." Logan tells her.

"Don't follow me!" She shouts back to Logan as she heads out the door.

She steps outside, and sees him striding away. "Jess wait!" he stops and turns towards her. "Jess, I'm sorry."

"We shouldn't have done this." He tells her.

"He's just in a bad way lately." She tries to explain Logan's behaviour.

"He's a jerk." He's pissed off, and jerk doesn't even come close to how he really feels about Logan, and yet it's the first word that comes out. The verbal thing really _does _come and go. Huh.

"He was. In there, definitely. I'm so sorry."

"I read that guy the second I saw him. I should've begged off."

"Well, I didn't want you to." Rory shrugs.

"He better not come out here." He warns her. She nods, and knows that a year or two ago they wouldn't even be having this conversation, as Jess would have already thrown a punch. And Logan would have deserved it.

"Please, Jess. He's had a lot to drink. He's tired from travelling. This isn't him. I swear." _Why was she excusing his behaviour still? _

"What the hell is going on?" Jess asks in bewilderment.

"I told you. He's tired, and his family is bugging him right now…."

"No, no, I mean with you. What's going on with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. I know you better than anyone. This isn't you."

"I don't know."

"What are you doing? Living at your grandparents' place, being in the DAR, no Yale….Why did you drop out of Yale?" He yelled.

"It's complicated."

"It's not! It's not complicated!"

"You don't know." She exclaims.

"This isn't you. Going out with this jerk, with the Porsche." Jess gestures towards the bar. "We made fun of guys like this."

"You caught him on a bad night."

"This isn't about him, okay? Screw him. What's going on with you? This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on?"

"I don't know." She clutched at her jacket, closing it across her body. He tilted his head trying to catch her eye, "I don't know."

Jess sighed then, he wiped his hand across his mouth. He nudges her lightly on the arm. "Hey, um, may-may-maybe we'll catch up when it's a better time."

She watches as he walks away, but he turns back towards her. "Happy birthday by the way." He smiles, "Wasn't that a couple of weeks ago, your birthday?"

She nods, and he smiles again, sad and soft before heading down the alley. Rory watches him in amazement for a minute, _he remembered my birthday. _Her eyes fill with unexpected tears and panic seizes at her heart. She runs down the alley towards him. "Jess! Wait!"

He stops short, and turns towards her with his eyebrows raised.

"I lied."

"What?" He shakes his head in confusion.

"I lied. About not reading your book? I did. I stayed up and read it all. Twice. It's amazing. It's incredible. And you should know that, because you deserve to know how brilliant you are. I've never read anything quite like it, and I loved it. I'm sorry I didn't say, but I didn't want Logan ruining that too. Because he would. I hate that he tore you down that way, and I didn't even stick up for you, I just let him go on and on and-"

"Rory." Jess tried to interrupt.

"And I hate that you had to see me like this. You're right. This isn't me. I hate what I am, I don't even know who I am anymore. And I don't know how to fix it. I don't…I don't…" Tears over spilled and she started to sob.

Then his scent filled her nostrils, and his arms were around her body. Holding her, and soothing her. She leaned into him, as his hands ran through her hair and he murmured soft "Sssshhs" and "It's okays". When finally her sobbing had stopped, she tore herself away from him, wiping stupidly at her eyes. Hoping she didn't look as gross as she felt. "I'm sorry."

"S'okay."

She looked at him then, letting herself take in his features and she felt the butterflies again. "I've missed you." She whispered.

"Me too, Rory."

"So what happens now?" She asked.

"I've got to get back to work, and you have to get back to…your life. You're real life. When Jess Mariano has his shit together and you don't, that's when you know the end is nigh."

She laughed, "I better run for cover now then."

"I would."

"I'm going to fix it Jess. My life. I'm going to fix everything."

"I look forward to that. I'll see you around." He leaned in and gave her the sweetest kiss on the lips, before heading towards his car. She felt sad that they hadn't exactly had the best catch up but there was a feeling of relief sweeping over her.

She was going to get her life back.

_Finally._


End file.
